Prayerful Life

I can like a parade; if I must. If someone else’s enjoyment requires me to go along, and they need, or want me to co-sign on that experience with them; I can do it. But I don’t like parades. Crowds make me uncomfortable. Loud noises annoy me. So much stimulation gives me a headache.

But we put up with these things, for others. Life teaches us to sacrifice, and we learn to think of others in addition to, or more than we think of ourselves. We grow up, we become adults, and we gain maturity. Sacrificing for others is one of the hallmarks of maturity. At first we may not like it. As children, our parents may make us consider a sibling’s feelings over our own; or as young adults we may be called upon to consider those less fortunate than us and to give of our surplus. We start off sacrificing through clenched teeth, grimacing; and we begin giving with clenched fists. Our conscience slowly prying our fingers open, as we continue to give and become mature.

Eventually, hopefully, we learn to give graciously, and we learn to enjoy it. We give joyfully. For instance, I can smile at a parade now; and most of the time I’m not even faking it. I’ve learned to overlook all of my discomforts and find joy in the things I like: focusing upon the happy children all about, the cute pets at my feet, the classic sports cars all in line, the silly costumes, and the candy. I can be pleasant at a parade; if I must.

Learning this kind of maturity is good. It helps us ‘play well with others’. But it isn’t without its dangers. I’ve met plenty of people who can get along and be a good neighbor, but who haven’t the foggiest idea what they really think, or what they really like. They know what they’re supposed to like, and they can say all the things they believe they should think. But the critical internal processes that lead a person to character traits like integrity and courage have become lost along the way. For many of us, this path to maturity has led us also into a befuddled confusion. We know how to get along with others, but we can’t get along with ourselves.

Knowing how to live with others takes maturity. Knowing how to live with ourselves takes wisdom.

I suspect we all know on some level, that in this process of ‘growing up’ we’ve lost something vital. Perhaps this is at the root of the widespread narcissism we see in our world today. Folks are desperately trying to find ‘their truth’, and live ‘their best lives’ although we haven’t the faintest idea what makes for truth, or a quality life. Furthermore, folks attempt to make others bend to their own desires, in hopes of living a good life.

We have gained maturity by learning to say ‘No’ to our selfishness, in favor of what others want (our parents would be proud). Now, I suspect we can gain wisdom by the same process.  By saying ‘No’ to the selfishness that is all around us, by saying ‘No’ to everything that would reduce us down to a means of fulfilling the desires of someone else, we find freedom. In this way, we can extricate ourselves from the web of confusion all around us, and we can discover truths that dwell deep within us. We grow independent of this greedy and manipulative world.   

We must say ‘No’ to simply being consumers, or becoming ‘brands’, for we are humans not corporations. We must say ‘No’ to having our spiritual humanity reduced to material commodities and economic units. We should say ‘No’ even to our friends and family members when they want to manipulate us, simply to satisfy their own desires, which may not be in our best interest.

At the root, maturity and wisdom both require discernment. ‘No’ is the excellent path to knowing. Saying ‘No’ builds inner strength and courage. Witnessing the external results which follow from saying ‘No’, helps us to gain discernment and attain wisdom. It is good to be mature, but it is excellent to be wise. Freedom and independence depend upon a healthy, discerning ability to say ‘No’!

~FS

I recently ran updates on my computer. I knew I shouldn’t do it. Years of past experience told me that it was a dangerous and foolish thing to do. I’ve resisted their reminders for weeks now, maybe months, possibly even years. But in a moment of weakness I clicked on ‘update and then shut down’ when I turned off my computer the other day. I thought to myself: maybe this update is important, perhaps it was for my benefit—and I worried that if I kept ignoring it, then something bad might happen to me. I forgot, in a moment of dementia, that every other time I’ve ever updated my software in the past, it invariably has caused me untold angst, frustration, and despair as it surprisingly changes all the settings I’ve come to rely upon, or it adds new unexpected annoyances that pop-up and never go away. 

Computers can be useful tools. We can do lots of cool stuff with them. But the people who design the software that runs them should not be allowed to get near them again, once they finish their first version. Assuming their initial effort works satisfyingly well, software engineers should be locked out henceforth, and denied all further access to our machines. If they must ‘improve’ something, let them turn their efforts to improving their own relationships (don’t their kids need their moms or dads to toss a ball with them, or help them with their homework?), or they should be unleashed on some other aspect of life to ‘improve’, but not our computers. If the computer ain’t broke, please don’t ‘fix’ it.

At first this seems a good idea, but then, can you imagine what might happen if software engineers were unleashed upon other spheres of our lives? Let’s say you’re a carpenter and you build decks. You own a hammer that you enjoy using. Then all of a sudden the engineers come along and take your hammer and give you the new version. This one has a built-in fan that helps cool your hands in hot weather. But the damn thing breaks every time you try to hit a nail with it. The fan blades can’t take the impact. So a month later they’ve come up with a fix. It is a soft rubber cover that fits over the hammer-head so the fan blades won’t be jarred as you hammer. It works, the fan blades no longer break. But now the hammer isn’t hard, and it can’t set nails anymore, and the nail-heads tear through the rubber cover, shredding it, making it unusable. You try to find the first version of the hammer; the one you really liked that worked, but nobody sells it anymore and it isn’t supported.

Thankfully, hammer 3.0 just came out, so you buy that one. It sets nails again, and the fan seems to work without too much effort, though the batteries keep falling out the end of the hammer, but you fix that with duct tape. Everything is good, until your subscription expires. Who knew you had to have a subscription to use your hammer now! You think you can get away with it, so you keep hammering with it, but they have your credit card, and at the end of the month you get dinged for $278.50. It turns out they snuck a microchip into this version of your hammer that tabulates every use; so that every time you hit something with it, they charge you twenty-five cents, since you are using an unlicensed version. You really just want to build decks, but now you are spending all your time trying to figure out how to work with your hammer. You hire someone to hack the chip inside it, at the cost of $150. Now you’re back in business, until your saw breaks.

You have to buy a new one, nobody fixes the one you’ve been using. It was a good saw. But you get a new one and it cuts wood very nicely. The folks at the store show you how it works and its very efficient and you are glad you upgraded, though you still miss your old saw. But you’re about to make decks again, and that’s what you love to do. You unpack the saw but can’t make it work. It turns out there are two hidden buttons up inside the case that nobody told you about. They designed it that way because it looks cool and keeps the buttons from getting wet. But after several calls and a few hours of discussion, you and your buddies figure it out. You locate the buttons and you get the saw going. But the next day you can’t get the saw to work again, even after pressing the hidden buttons. You make a few more calls, but nobody can help you. They ask you to bring the saw into the store. After a few hours at the store, and several calls to the manufacturer, you discover that the day before you didn’t turn the saw off in the correct way; you just unplugged it, stupid. Of course it won’t work again if you do that! First—You have to press the button on the inner left side of the case when turning the saw off. Secondly—that other hidden button, you need to depress that while simultaneously unplugging the saw; this is a safety feature that is designed to help keep the software engineers employed.

On the way back to your jobsite you wonder if you are really a carpenter any longer, or are you becoming a tool technician instead? You’re learning a lot more about your tools than you ever wanted to know. You think, maybe you should give up building decks and just get into tool repair instead. Maybe if you just knuckle down and learn everything there is to know about your new hammer, and your new saw, then you can keep them working long enough to get back to building decks. But you’d really rather just be building decks and not spending all your time learning about the latest version of your tools. Sigh.

And then you think, what if these clowns designed everything?! We wouldn’t get anything done.

~FS

Scene 7:  [Campsite. The Visitors are breaking camp.]

Bernard:  Tell me, Jean Arnaut, where to now?

Jean Arnaut:  Finding our place grows more difficult with every passing year, it seems.

Bernard:  Although it has never been easy.

Jean Arnaut:  Maybe we’ll have to start selling peaches!

Bernard:  God forbid! We’re apple people.

Jean Arnaut:  It’s tough to teach old dogs new tricks. We’re just a dying breed, my friend. Human society is fast becoming a monoculture. We don’t fit in.

Bernard:  Only cultivated fields everywhere, and less and less wild ones.

Jean Arnaut:  And only the appearance of variety. Maybe young Hugo over there will figure it all out, what eludes us.

Bernard:  I’ll put my hope in the lad. And in his hopes of raising wild horses. Maybe he’ll find a way to make life work.

[Hugh and Chloe enter.]

Jean Arnaut:  What’s this? Another young man full of hope?! And it appears his hopes have been fulfilled!

Hugh:  Jean Arnaut! Yes! I’ve never formally introduced you two. I would like to introduce my fiancé, Chloe!

Jean Arnaut:  Fiancé?! Marvelous! Congratulations to the both of you! This is very hopeful indeed!

Chloe:  It’s always wisest to put our hopes in deeds. Since people’s words alone are almost always disappointing.

Jean Arnaut:  I’ve been plenty disappointed by people’s deeds as well. But now is no time for an old man’s cynicisms. We have a wedding upcoming! And new adventures await us! Where will you two be going now?

Hugh:  If it is alright with all of you, we would like to join you, and travel the world together!

Jean Arnaut:  Of course! We always welcome new friends! You both are very welcome to join us! Although, I should warn you, our path is not an easy one.

Bernard:  It will certainly put your vows to the test, especially the part about richer and poorer.

Jean Arnaut:  But what we lack in money, we gain in character and empathy. We love one another unfeigned, with nothing to gain and nothing to lose!

Hugh: We can do that!

Bernard:  Life often has a way of ignoring our preferences. Can you live with that?

Hugh:  Chloe, you once said you’d prefer to be rich, rather than poor.

Chloe:  As long as I’m with you, I don’t care either way.

Jean Arnaut:  Though that sentiment is often easier expressed when one is wealthy, rather than poor. What about you, Hugh? Would you feel the same about Chloe is she were poor, as you would if she were rich?

Hugh:  Yes, either way!

Chloe:  Hugh! Now that’s a good answer!

Hugh:  Finally! And I wasn’t even trying.

Chloe:  And what about all of you? How did you feel about our little town of Harmony?

Hugo:  I liked it!

Jean Arnaut:  I didn’t much care for it. But that’s life, like it or not!

[The End.]

~FS

Scene 6:  [Marion is outside her house. Hugh enters carrying two boxes.]

Marion:  [Calling to Chloe inside the house.] Chloe! Hugh is here. It looks like he has something for you!

Chloe:  [Yelling from inside.]  What is it? It better not be from a fruit stand!

Marion:  No, it’s in a box. Two boxes!

Chloe:  [Pokes her head through the door.] Really?! Two? That’s certainly better than one.

Marion:  They look from a department store! [Worried. Whispering to Hugh.] Did you pick them out yourself? Oh, dear.

Chloe:  [Walking towards Hugh.] Did you pick those out yourself?

Hugh:  I had some help from the lady at the store.

Chloe:  Oh, that’s a relief. That gives me greater confidence.

Hugh:  I’m certain you’ll like them. Well, I hope you do. [He hands the boxes to her.] Here, open them!

Chloe:  I’m a little nervous. It could be anything. And so much depends on this. But you did say that you got help, so, that’s really good news.

Marion:  Open it already! I’m dying of suspense.

Chloe:  I will, mother! Okay. [She opens the first box and pulls out a handbag.] Oh, thank God!

Marion:  What a relief!

Chloe:  It’s beautiful. I love it!

Marion:  Open the next one!

Chloe:  I will! I have much greater hope now. I wonder what it is?! [She opens the second box and pulls out a pair of shoes.] They’re exactly the ones I saw that girl wearing! They’re perfect!

Marion:  Well done, Hugh! You did it.

Chloe:  Yes, you did it Hugh! Finally! I love them. And I love you!  

[She embraces and kisses him.]

Hugh:  You do, Chloe! Do you mean it?

Chloe:  Of course! I’ve always loved you, I’ve never stopped loving you. I don’t think I could stop loving you, Hugh. But it is much easier to express my love, now that you’ve given me such lovely gifts! Getting new shoes always makes my love flow freely!

Hugh:  I could never stop loving you either, Chloe!  I just have one question, Chloe. Why did you tell me to bring you a good answer?

Chloe: A good answer? I never said that.

Hugh:  Yes, I remember it exactly.

Chloe:  But that doesn’t make any sense. Ha! What would be the question then? Did you even think about that?!  Hugh, what would I care about answers, good or bad, or about questions?

Hugh:  But you told me all along that I had to have an answer for you. You forbade me seeing you until I had a ‘good answer’!

Chloe:  Silly boy. There you go again! You’re so literal sometimes. You pay far too much attention to what I say, and not nearly enough attention to what I mean.

Hugh:  But Chloe, how can I know what you mean, except by what you say? 

Chloe:  What people say almost never has anything to do with what they mean, Hugh. Especially about important things. I’m surprised you don’t know that.

Hugh:  That explains so much.

Chloe:  Oh Hugh! Why must we ever talk about important things? I think unimportant things are so much more interesting. Besides, you’re much more attractive when you’re speaking about unimportant things!

Hugh:  I love speaking about unimportant things with you, Chloe. [They kiss.]

Chloe:  I know. That is also what I love about you. Triviality makes you adorable, and I always want to adore you, Hugh.

Hugh:  Then I will always strive to be as trivial as I can possibly be, my dear Chloe. I will make myself utterly trivial for you. Only promise, to never stop loving me. The world is so dull and tasteless without your love. [They embrace and kiss again.]

[End of Scene.]

~FS

Scene 5:  [Town-square market. Peachsellers and Customers are selling and buying. Health Workers are helping people. Everyone wears rubber gloves, some green, some blue, some with one color on one hand and the other color on the other hand. Some also are wearing swim goggles and nose plugs and everyone is wearing one of the new ‘Juice Buddy’ head-gear trays. Grandpa Sammy and Talia are sitting on the steps eating peaches, wearing only their ‘Juice Buddies’. Many people have ‘I support swim-gear while eating!’ shirts on. Jace and Matilda Hawkins enter wearing ‘Juice Buddies’ and shirts.]

Matilda Hawkins:  Harmony really is a model town, mister Mayor. I have to admit I never would have imagined such community support and participation with many of these measures which you and the council have implemented.

Jace:  I’ve never been prouder, Miss Hawkins. If I were a more sentimental man, I might be crying.

Matilda Hawkins:  How long do you expect these protocols to stay in place?

Jace:  Tough to say, we may just keep some of them forever. Look at the spirit everyone is displaying. Besides that, the Health Workers informed me that article 22 of the state health code was recently enacted by them, so it’s out of my hands now.

Matilda Hawkins:  That sounds vaguely familiar. That gives them authority over health protocols during public health emergencies, is that right?

Jace:  I can’t say I mind it. Takes the blame off me, we just have to go along with whatever they tell us now. The nice thing about it is that nobody has to be accountable. It lowers the risk for all of us.

Matilda Hawkins:  That is convenient.

Jace:  Very. Makes my job a whole lot easier.

[Tommy and Duncan Collins are sitting at Tommy’s stand wearing ‘Juice Buddies’, goggles and nose plugs.]

Tommy Collins:  Oh, these things are driving me nuts! Why can’t we stop all of this? Heck, I started it all. There aren’t even any pesticides or fungus, we just made that all up!

Duncan Collins:  It’s ironic isn’t it? We started it, but everyone else is running with it. And they like it now.

Tommy Collins:  But there isn’t a threat! There never was. We made it all up to get rid of those apple people. And then to jack up the prices for Jolene and Penelope. Heck, now we aren’t even going to win that contract with the fancy dresser. Nobody has any idea where his wife got that peach. What’s the point of it all? It’s depressing.

Duncan Collins:  Like it or not, we all have to live with it now. It’s out of our hands.

Tommy Collins: It’s damn annoying!

[Jolene McCue and Penelope Lind are wearing rubber gloves and selling their peaches. They also have ‘Juice Buddies’ on.]

Jolene McCue:  Penelope dear, doesn’t it warm your heart to see everyone looking out for each other like we are? It just proves to me that people are good.

Penelope Lind:  Yes, people are certainly good at all sorts of things. And some are better than others.

Jolene McCue:  Oh, that’s a horrible thing to say. You better watch out, you’ll get us in trouble!

Penelope Lind:  I just mean that some of us are better at getting our own way. Some people are good at looking out for themselves, but also making it seem they are looking out for others.

Jolene McCue:  Oh, hush! That’s just living life. We all have to get by, like it or not. We did what we had to, don’t go getting a conscience on my now. If we didn’t force Tommy to sell those silly goggles, he’d have run us out of business. Besides, they protect people’s eyes from peach juice! That can really sting. We did everyone a favor.

Penelope Lind:  You’re right. Things do seem safer now. It turned out to be what we all needed.

Jolene McCue:  We live in Harmony, remember that dear. We look out for one another.

[Jean Arnaut and the other Visitors arrive and set up their apple stand. Everyone watches in surprise, frozen and waiting to see what will happen.]

Jean Arnaut:  Good people of Harmony! We’re back! Come and taste the best apples in the world, if you dare! Come enjoy a crisp, refreshing alternative to your peaches. And we have rubber gloves, for those of you so inclined. We have gloves for your every hand! You may even wear them on your feet, if you like. We won’t judge!

Jace:  Friends! I thought I was very clear, we’ll have no apples here in Harmony. Now, you need to pack your stand back up and skedaddle. We don’t want to make a scene.

Jean Arnaut:  We’re only interested in making a living, mister Mayor.

Jace:  And nobody is stopping you. Just not here. Now let’s pack it up. Just a little misunderstanding, folks! Don’t worry. They’ll be moving along now!

Jean Arnaut:  This isn’t right, mister Mayor.

Jace:  Come on now, what do you have to prove, Jean Arnaut? Why would you even want to stay where you aren’t wanted? Isn’t it better for everyone if you go?

Jean Arnaut:  It may not be better for the people who want apples. But I have nothing to prove, mister Mayor. I just want to live.

Jace: And you’re free to live, Jean Arnaut. Just not here.

Jean Arnaut:  Is anyone free to live anymore, here in Harmony, mister Mayor?

Jace:  Life is good, my friend. Life is good in Harmony. We all like it here. But it’s not for everyone.

Jean Arnaut:  I think I understand that now. You’re right, mister Mayor. It’s not for me. We’re leaving! Good people of Harmony, you win! We will go!  [He motions to the others and they pack up and exit. Hugo returns and runs up to Talia. He is carrying wildflowers.]

Hugo:  Talia!

Talia:  Hi Hugo!

Hugo:  We’re leaving Harmony. I didn’t expect it. But we’re going to break up camp now, and leave. I wanted to get you something. I just picked these. I’m sorry they aren’t nicer. [Hands the flowers to her.]

Talia:  Thank you! They’re so pretty.

Hugo:  They aren’t much. I’m sorry. I have to go. Don’t forget me! [He kisses her, turns and runs offstage.]

Grandpa Sammy:  It looks like you have an admirer, Talia.

[She sits, smiles at Grandpa Sammy, and happily examines the flowers.]

Grandpa Sammy:  I’ll bet good money that you haven’t seen the last of Hugo. He’ll be back to find you again someday. I’ve seen this story before.

[Terrence Cobb enters with his wife, Olivia Cobb. They are both very well dressed.]

Terrence Cobb:  Matilda, I would like to introduce you to my wife, Olivia. Olivia this is our brilliant scientist, Matilda Hawkins, who has helped us tremendously in our search for your peaches.

Matilda Hawkins:  I’m so pleased to finally get to meet you Mrs Cobb. Please forgive me that I haven’t been able to find a match between the peach you had, and any of these at the market. Your peach simply wasn’t from any of these vendors.

Olivia Cobb:  It’s so odd. I’m sure I got it here. It was such a busy day though. I can’t really remember. [She looks around the square at the various stands.] I remember these, I think. [Walking to Tommy’s stand.] Yes, I remember you.

Tommy Collins:  Hello, ma’am.

Olivia Cobb:  But I didn’t buy peaches from you. I remember now. I was walking towards those stands over there. [She sees Talia and Grandpa Sammy sitting on the steps.] Wait a moment! Little girl. Hello. Do you remember me?

Talia:  Yes.

Olivia Cobb:  Did we sit together right here?

[Talia nods.]

Olivia Cobb:  Yes, that’s right. I remember. I saw you as I was walking across the square, just like I did now. And you were eating a peach. I sat down with you.

Talia:  My grandpa’s peach!

Olivia Cobb:  Oh, really?! Is this your grandpa? I don’t think we met last time I was here.

Grandpa Sammy:  Glad to meet you. Sammy. And this is Talia.

Olivia Cobb:  A pleasure. Do you mind if I sit down with you again?

Talia:  Sure!

[Olivia sits beside Talia.]

Olivia Cobb:  Did you give me a peach?

[Talia nods.]

Olivia Cobb:  Yes, you did! Of course you did. You and I ate right here, and you told me all about your animals. You have a cat.

Talia:  Billy!

Olivia Cobb:  That’s right. Billy the cat! You know, I’ve been trying to remember where I got that peach, it was so delicious.

Talia:  Would you like another one? Here. [She reaches into a bag next to her grandpa.] We grow them ourselves.

Olivia Cobb: Thank you very much!

Health Worker #2:  Um, miss. If you are going to bite into that, could you please put this on. [Hands Olivia a ‘Juice Buddy’.] Thank you. Sorry for the inconvenience.

[Olivia dons the Juice Buddy and tastes the peach.]

Olivia Cobb:  Oh, yes. Yes, this is it. Terrence, this is definitely the same peach I had here before!

Terrence Cobb:  You found it!

Olivia Cobb:  Yes, I think so! I’m sure of it. Oh, Talia. I like your grandpa’s peaches very much, thank you for sharing them with me.

Talia:  You’re welcome.

Grandpa Sammy:  We have a lot more where that came from. We don’t sell much anymore. I’m getting too tired for all that. But we used to sell a whole bunch of them back when I was younger.

Olivia Cobb:  What if my husband and I were able to supply you with all the labor that you need? Would you sell your peaches to us? You wouldn’t have to do a thing. We’ll take care of everything. Just name your price, and we’ll do the rest.

Grandpa Sammy:  That’s very generous of you. It would be a good thing. It could set up Talia the right way. I’m not going to be around forever to take care of her. She’ll need to take care of herself.

Olivia Cobb:  She’s just a little girl. She can’t take care of herself.

Talia:  Yes, I can!

Grandpa Sammy:  She’s pretty resourceful. You’d be surprised!

Olivia Cobb:  But still, how old are you honey?

Talia:  Six and three-quarters. Almost seven.

Olivia Cobb:  Almost seven? You are a big girl. I stand corrected. Still, even seven year olds need help sometimes. I even need help sometimes.

Talia:  How old are you?!

Olivia Cobb:  Older than seven!

Talia:  I like you.

Olivia Cobb:  Oh! How darling. Thank you. I like you too, very much. I can tell you are a very smart, and pretty girl.

Talia:  I am.

Olivia Cobb:  I can tell that you and I are going to be very good friends. I’m going to learn a lot from a clever girl like you!

Talia:  Yes. I’ll teach you everything I know.

Olivia Cobb:  Wonderful! I can’t wait!

[End of Scene.]

~FS

Scene 3: [Town council meeting: The Mayor and other Councilmembers sit at the front. Peachsellers, Duncan Collins, Terrence Cobb, Matilda Hawkins, Jean Arnaut, and Three Health Workers sit in the audience.]

Jace:  Before continuing with the next order of business I would just like to take a brief moment to congratulate all of you, the people of Harmony, for really coming together these past several weeks. I know it hasn’t always been easy, but your community spirit has been an inspiration. Look at what we’ve accomplished together, we successfully drove out the apple sellers and kept the integrity of our peach festival intact! That alone merits some applause, but beyond that, together we’ve also been tackling the health issues affecting our peaches. These protocols haven’t been easy on any of us but they’ve been worth it! Granted, they haven’t had any effect on the actual spread of peach fungus in any tangible way, and many of us aren’t completely sure why we’re doing it all, but more important than that, it has broken down the divisions between us. We are working in unity now against a common enemy, and it has made us all better people. We wear our rubber gloves, our goggles and our nose plugs proudly, and by these things we all know that we are citizens of Harmony! There may be a small cost to pay for these measures, in money and in comfort, but what we are gaining is priceless!

[Several cheers, and applause.]

Jolene McCue:  Dear, I’d like to add something if I may?

Councilmember Three:  Yes, please approach the microphone and state your name.

Jolene McCue:  My name is Jolene McCue, I’m the mayor’s wife. I agree with what the mayor has said however, I don’t think we’ve gone far enough. I’m encouraged, very encouraged, by the way that everyone has really gotten behind these protocols, such as wearing goggles and nose plugs while eating peaches, and I’m very appreciative of all the Health Workers who have descended upon our little town to help us all out. But I feel as though, for many of us, there is still a bit of a disconnect, it’s as though our hearts aren’t really in it. I’d like to see more genuine spirit in our efforts. Voluntarily. I’m wondering if we could implement a few more measures to help us all make the extra effort, and inspire us to greater conformity, no, I mean more uniformity of purpose!

[Several people clap.]

Councilmember One:  This is really great to hear. Thank you Jolene. I for one would find this sort of thing very inspirational!

Councilmember Four:  What if we had pins made that said, “I’m proud to wear the gloves.” Or something like that?

Councilmember Three:  That’s good. And bumperstickers that say, “I support swim-gear  while eating!” We could make shirts too!

Jolene McCue:  Exactly! Yes, that’s exactly what I mean. If I saw people wearing pins like that, and cars with bumperstickers, or shirts that said that, I’d feel so much more supported in my own efforts. I think it could really help.

Councilmember Three:  I’m all in! All in favor of making and distributing these inspiring pins, shirts and bumperstickers, say Aye!

Jace and other Councilmembers:  Aye!

Councilmember Three:  All opposed?

Councilmember Two:  No!

Jace:  Always a naysaying Nellie, aren’t you?! Approved! Let’s get those made and distributed right away. Good thinking everyone!

[Applause.]

Jace:  Okay, the next item on the agenda is hearing from Matilda Hawkins with any updates on the source of that peach. I know we’re all dying to hear the results of her testing!

Health Worker #1:  Mister Mayor, I apologize for interrupting but we have something important to say, and I think now would be a good time for us to do that. Before you move on to Miss Hawkins.

Jace:  Oh, well. That’s a little unusual, but I don’t see any harm in that. Okay, please proceed.

[All three Health Workers come forward to the microphone.]

Health Worker #3:  We agree that everyone has been doing a really good job wearing their gloves and everything. But as your health care overseers we are going to need to implement a further measure to help ensure the public safety. We had a very scary event happen just the other day, in which a customer slipped and fell, and nearly died! It was peach juice that had escaped somehow, and landed on the ground. Fortunately this customer was okay, and they were able to get up and walk away on their own, but it clearly demonstrated to all of us, just how fine the line is between health and something terrible happening.

[Crowd nods in agreement, several outbursts of approval.]

Health Worker #2:  Fortunately, we three have been working on a solution to this problem.

[They pull out a head-gear similar to those used in orthodontics, with a tray connected to it.] We’ve invented a tray that goes over the head like this [Putting it on as a demonstration.] with a tray that sits just below the mouth like so. Once you have it in place you are able to eat a peach, or anything that’s juicy for that matter, without concern because the tray will catch any juice that accidently escapes your mouth as you’re eating. Watch as I eat this peach. [Demonstrating.]

Health Worker #1:  Notice how the tray catches the juice?

Jace:  I’m just not sure I want to wear a funky spittle-tray every time I eat a peach!

Health Worker #3:  It’s not a spittle-tray, mister Mayor. We call them ‘Juice Buddies’. It’s a simple juice buddy that catches juice, which you’re then free to drink after you finish eating, or you can dispose of the juice from the tray into the accompanying ‘Juice Jammer’ which is basically just a disposable baggie.

Jace:  I see. So this Juice Buddy contraption is just to keep peach juice from falling on the ground? That’s it?

Health Worker #3:  It isn’t simply peach juice. We in the health profession call it biohazardous material. It’s peach juice while it remains inside your mouth, but the moment it hits a public surface, it becomes a public hazard, and a public concern.

Health Worker #1:  That’s right. It’s no longer a private matter between you and your fruit. It becomes a community matter that involves all of us.

Councilmember One:  This makes sense to me. I just hadn’t thought about it before.

Councilmember Four:  It does seem to be a bigger problem than I had realized. You say that someone nearly died from this?

Health Worker #3:  That’s correct, councilmember.

Councilmember Four:  Well, then, isn’t this a no-brainer? I mean we have to do something about this!

Health Worker #3:  As we’ve said, fortunately we have been on this problem proactively and we’ve already got a manufacturer, who has already made several hundred of our Juice Buddies and Juice Jammers, and we can have them delivered to Harmony, express, and they will arrive later today. And we will place an order for several thousand more, to get us all through the peach season. Those could be here as early as next week. They’ll only cost the city $20 per unit, that’s a 25% savings under retail, since we are purchasing bulk.

Councilmember One:  Frankly, I’m relieved! I think this is a really important issue. I want to say that I really appreciate your foresight about this matter. That seems like a fair price too.

Councilmember Four:  I agree. Thank you!

Jace:  I’m still not too thrilled about wearing one of those contraptions just to eat a peach!

Councilmember Three:  Mayor! It’s for the good of the community. What were you just saying?!

Jace:  I know, I know. You’re right. Okay, all in favor of Juice Buddies and Juice Jammers say Aye!

Councilmembers: Aye!

Jace:  Against?

Councilmember Two:  No!

Jace:  Of course. Approved! Let’s get these things out there pronto, for the public safety.

Health Workers:  Thank you, mister Mayor! Thank you, council! [They high-five each other.]

Jace:  You’re welcome. Okay, now let’s hear from Miss Hawkins about the origin of that peach. Who is going to be the lucky grower?!

Matilda Hawkins:  Mister Mayor, councilmembers, I regret to say that I have conclusive results now. However, none of your peach stands produced a match with the original peach that Mrs Cobb purchased. Her peach didn’t come from any of your orchards. None of you are going to be the lucky winner.

Jace:  What!? No winner!? This is anarchy, how many times do I have to say it?! No, it’s worse. It’s communism! That’s what this is! I’m piping mad!

Matilda Hawkins:  Our labs have done extensive testing. Every conceivable genetic test, as well as testing for trace elements found in the soils of your individual orchards, comparing with trace minerals found in the original sample. We even looked into the water supply in your orchards and there are some unique characteristics found in Mrs Cobb’s original peach which aren’t found in any of the other peaches from your orchards, nor in the water used to irrigate your trees.  There is simply no match. I’m sorry.

Jace:  Dunbar?! Where’s that Dunbar Collins? There he is, what do you have to say about this?!

Duncan Collins:  I’m sorry, mister Mayor. But my lab wasn’t able to get any sample material from the original peach to do any testing.

Jace:  Get some from Miss Hawkins! Miss Hawkins give some of that peach to Dunbar here so we can get a second opinion! We need a second opinion.

Duncan Collins: Unfortunately, it’s too late. There isn’t any more available, it all was used up. Even if there was any left, that material would be expired now. We couldn’t use it even if we wanted to.  

Matilda Hawkins:  He’s correct, mister Mayor. I’m sorry.

Jace:  Anarchy, anarchy, anarchy. And communism too. Unbelievable! What a mess.

Duncan Collins:  While we’re on the topic of testing, my lab did find high levels of pesticides in the apples being sold by Mr Arnaut and his gang. This is in contradiction to Miss Hawkin’s findings that their apples were clean.

Jace:  Ha! I knew it. At least that’s some good news.

Jean Arnaut:  That’s impossible! We don’t use any pesticides. It’s a lie.

Duncan Collins:  You’re the liar, Mr Arnaut!

Jean Arnaut:  Never! But fine, let’s say you found pesticides! So what?! Even if our apples had pesticides, which they don’t, but even if they did. Just make people wear gloves like they’re doing at the other stands.

Councilmember Two:  That’s a fair point. Why don’t we just do that? Let them sell their apples, as long as people wear rubber gloves and clean the apples, like we’re doing with the peaches.

Jace:  Where’s the fairness in that?

Councilmember Two:  I think that would be the definition of fairness.

Jace:  Well, life isn’t fair! Live with it. Anarchy!

Councilmember Two:  Why should we have one set of rules for the peach growers and another set for the apple growers? That isn’t right.

Jace:  They’re not the same thing! Can’t you see that? Apples aren’t peaches, are you blind?!

Councilmember Two:  What’s the difference?

Jace:  Completely different fruit!

Councilmember Two:  Obviously! But what is the material difference between them, related to this argument? Why can peaches be sold with pesticides on them, but not apples?

Jace:  Science! That’s why. I’m done with this. We’re not bringing back the apples and that’s final. I’m the mayor and I’m invoking my executive privilege. Some lines just can’t be crossed, and this is one of them. End of discussion! No apples at a peach festival. No apples in Harmony. No apples, no apples, no apples! Like it or not!

[End of Scene.]

Scene 4: [Chloe and Marion are outside their home.] 

Chloe:  Is Hugh ever going to figure it out?! How long do I have to wait for him?

Marion:  How long are you willing to wait?

Chloe:  For Hugh, I could wait forever.

Marion:  Good, that was going to be my answer.

Chloe:  Why is it so difficult?!

Marion:  I like Hugh. I like him a lot, Chloe. He is perfect for you dear, but he isn’t very bright.

Chloe:  I know. I wouldn’t like him if he was very bright. But I don’t want him to be very dim either. When it comes to intelligence, I want him to be perfectly average.

Marion:  That’s Hugh.

Chloe:  But when it comes to understanding me, he needs to be perfectly brilliant.

Marion:  That’s a lot to ask of anyone, dear. And certainly too much to ask of Hugh, I think. Poor boy!

[Hugh enters.]

Chloe:  Oh, no! It’s Hugh! [Chloe runs into the house, and hides just inside the door.] Tell him I’m not home!

Marion:  I think he already saw you.

Chloe:  Make something up!

Marion:  Good morning, Hugh.

Hugh:  Hello, Marion. I need to see Chloe. I have something for her. Well, I have a question for her. A question that isn’t a question. If you know what I mean. [He winks.]

Marion:  Oh, dear. I’m afraid I do.

Chloe:  [Whispering to her mother through the door.] What question? What is he talking about?

Hugh:  And I suspect that we all know what her answer will be as well. If you know what I mean. [He winks again.]

Marion:  I’m not sure that I do.

Chloe:  [Whispering.] Answer to what? What’s the question?

Hugh:  So. Can I see her?

Marion:  Um. She isn’t home right now, Hugh. I can give her a message if you like.

Hugh:  But I saw her run inside as I was walking up to the house. I swear that was her.

Marion:  Oh, that girl? That was my helper. She helps me clean. She was just leaving to go home.

Hugh:  But she ran inside your house.

Marion:  She had to get her jacket, and her purse.

Hugh:  Why hasn’t she come back out?

Marion:  She went out the back door. Her house is that way. Out the back.

Hugh:  Oh. That’s strange. She looked so much like Chloe.

Marion:  Everyone says that. I’m always getting that from people. It’s like I have two daughters! Twins! Ha!

Hugh:  Darn. It’s such a shame. I got her something I know she’ll love. It’s exactly what she’s been wanting.

Chloe:  [Coming out of the house.] Oh, Hugh! What are you doing here? I had no idea you were here.

Marion:  Oh my goodness! Where did you come from, Chloe?! When did you get home?

Chloe:  I just did. I came in through the back.

Hugh:  Did you see the cleaning lady?

Chloe:  What? Oh, yes. She was just leaving as I arrived. Why are you here? Do you have something for me?

Hugh:  Yes, as a matter of fact. I do. Um. Marion, would you mind if Chloe and I had some…

Marion:  I’ll just go inside. I have some things to do in the house. I’ll leave you both alone.

[She goes inside and listens just inside the door.]

Hugh:  Chloe, I want to first apologize for taking so long to figure this out.

Chloe:  You really did take a long time, Hugh. I was afraid you’d never figure it out.

Hugh:  But you really set a difficult riddle for me to solve.

Chloe:  But you finally did solve it! I’m so pleased, I am sure I’m going to like it quite a lot!

Hugh:  Yes! Well, are you ready?

Chloe:  I’ve been ready for several weeks now, Hugh. Can we move it along a little faster?

Hugh:  Yes, of course. [He pulls out the ring, and kneels.] Chloe, will you marry me?!

Chloe:  Marry you?! You got me a ring?! I can’t believe it.

Hugh:  I know, it’s magnificent, isn’t it? I can hardly believe it myself. But Chloe, tell me. What is your good answer?

Chloe:  My good answer?! I can’t believe you got me a ring! Why would you think to propose while we’re right in the middle of a fight?

Hugh:  But Chloe, it’s a rhetorical question. We both know the answer. We’ve always talked about getting married. I figured it out, your riddle. This is what you wanted!

Chloe:  You haven’t figured out anything! Hugh, you may be a lot dumber than I thought. And I’m trying to say that in the nicest way possible.

Hugh:  I’ll try to take it that way. I just thought…

Chloe:  No, you didn’t think at all, Hugh. How could you have thought?! You are so frustrating! I can’t talk to you right now.

[She turns and runs into the house. Marion barely avoids being run over. Marion comes outside.]

Hugh:  That didn’t go at all as I expected.

Marion:  I’m sorry.

Hugh:  What did I do wrong, Marion? I was certain that was the good answer, and the question that wasn’t a question. I assumed she and I both knew the answer. It was rhetorical. It was obvious she’d say yes. But she didn’t. She got very angry.

Marion:  Hugh. I was told not to give you any hints. So I’m not going to give you any. But this whole situation has gone on long enough. I can’t take it anymore. So I’m just going to tell you outright, exactly what the girl wants. She wants new shoes, and a handbag. Just get her a purse and some shoes, for the love of God. Please!

Hugh:  No, that can’t be…

Marion:  Yes! Yes it is! Yes. New shoes! A new purse! That’s it, that’s exactly it. That’s all it is. That’s all she wants! Come on, Hugh. Please. You can do it! For all of our sakes, just do it already!

Hugh:  I’m surprised.

Marion:  Of course you are, dear. I understand. Chloe is very surprising, you’ve said it yourself. I know. But there it is. She’s a girl of simple wants and needs. You should be glad.

Hugh:  I am. I’m very glad, Marion! If that’s the answer, I am more glad than you’ll ever imagine. Certainly, I can buy Chloe new shoes and a handbag. And I will, right now. I’m going right now to buy them. Thank you Marion. Thank you so much. I just wish I understood what she meant by a good answer and a question that isn’t a question. That is even more baffling now than it was before.

Marion:  Hugh, dear. Let it go. It doesn’t matter. You know what she wants, you know what you need to do. Make us all happy now. Just go shopping!

[End of Scene.]

~FS

In our current age of abject subjectivity, isn’t it high time that we do away, once and for all, with this idea of misinformation or disinformation? As if any of us can objectively say what is true or not? Sheesh! Even if we can say something objectively, should we? Surely that would be in bad taste, perhaps even be rude, certainly presumptuous; maybe even immoral? How dare any of us be so bold? It isn’t neighborly. That’s for certain.

So, in the interest of maintaining a thoroughly subjective mindset, let us all apply the possessive pronouns of our choice to the information we believe in, and propagate to others. Because we cannot know objectively what is misinformation or disinformation, which would be akin to knowing what is true, and that’s a lot like magic. It definitely has no business in our modern era; where everyone is allowed, even compelled to assert their subjective reality upon everyone else. Especially if you invoke the word: ‘science’. That is extra magical; no matter if it actually follows a scientific method. The word itself is numinous and awe-inspiring!

For my part, I’m going to heretofore believe in me/my/mine information, and I’m going to treat as suspect you/your information, and I’m going to downright scoff at they/them/their information. We are entering a bold new world, post-misinformation age. Now it is the age of personal pronoun information. Let’s be honest, none of us have the objectivity needed to call something misinformation, let’s just call it what it is: its either me/my/mine, you/yours or they/them/theirs.

I suggest you just believe in me/my/mine information, it will save us all a lot of time.

~FS