Pray For Truth

Please pray with me for this man, and for so many many others like him. And that we all can resist the evils of these ‘medicines’ which are being forced on us, and find good medicines to help those who have been damaged:

James DelloRusso, MD

First Dose of Moderna on 01/12/2021 Lot #037K20A

Second Dose of Moderna on 02/10/2021 Lot #062G20A

Southern California

67 yrs old

Q: What was your life like before you got the vaccine?

I was an active, full time Anesthesiologist. An avid cyclist, I would frequently ride 15-20 miles at times after working a full day; intermittently going to the gym for cardio and weight training; walking and hiking. I enjoyed fly fishing with my daughter and her beau, and traveled regularly. I could read and/or do multiple computer, work or home tasks for hours without issue.

Q: Would you like to share your reason(s) for getting the vaccine?

I have always believed in the value of vaccines. My work site required that all staff get vaccinated against Covid, and I complied, even though there was mounting evidence of problems. I felt that the risk of serious Covid outweighed the risk of the vaccine.

Q: What was your reaction, symptoms, & timeline?

After my first shot (a batch that was considered one of the BAD ones), I had minimal reaction: arm soreness and I felt slightly out of it. After my second jab, however, it was a completely different story. I had been in the middle of an episode of back pain, a recurrent history for me, but I was fully functional, and it did not sideline me at all. Concurrently, the day after the vaccine, I was set to have scalp cancer surgery, and the Dermatologist thought that the recent vaccine dose would pose no problem. For the procedure, I could barely lie still on the reclined chair due to almost unbearable back pain, which I attributed only to my inherent condition. I had a very unfortunate result with the cancer surgery with poor healing, and then the cascade started. Over the subsequent two weeks I developed multiple problems, which are what led me to consider that everything was vaccine related. Not only was my back bad, but multiple other joints became painful also: hands, wrists, knees and hips. Very loud constant bilateral tinnitus (ringing in the ears) began. I realized that the brain fogginess I was experiencing was also related. Then I came to recognize that the malaise I was feeling was not residual from my surgery, but was persistent and worsening. I found that if I exerted myself, physically or mentally, I would become fatigued, and I would need at least a day to recover. I develop POTS on top of everything, although it was variable and intermittent. My pre-existing peripheral neuropathy in my feet also worsened dramatically. About a month or two later I developed double vision.

Currently, despite seeing multiple physicians and trying many different treatments, I am essentially no better, now noting my 2 year “anniversary” this week. After one episode of Covid (I have had 2 since jabbed) I even had a setback with worsening symptoms. I have had to retire from my Anesthesia practice. I can no longer ride my bicycle due to my cognitive problems, slowed processing and fatigue. The most I can physically do is walk about a block or two in order to avoid the post-exertional malaise. If I work (small chores) or exert myself or concentrate too long I become exhausted. The cognitive issues are constant and variable, as is the fatigue, and I am quite limited as to what I can do on a given day. I try to stay positive, but as you all know, at times this is very difficult.

Q: Tell us about any tests, diagnoses, and/or Medical Care received:

Essentially most studies were normal, including an MRI of the brain. Nerve conduction showed severe peripheral neuropathy with small fiber demyelination. Sleep study revealed mild OSA. While basic neurologic exams were normal, my 4 hour neuropychologic assessment showed clear cognitive decreases after 2-3 hours. I have been seen by neurologist(s), cardiologist(s)(pacemaker implanted), ophthalmologists including a neuro-ophthalmologist (ocular nerve palsy likely due to local vascular problem). Also being seen in a university Covid Recovery Clinic (nothing new to offer), and currently we are ‘watching’ my new lambda light chain gamma globulinopathy (blood disorder) hoping it doesn’t morph into myeloma.

My main diagnoses are myalgic encephalomyelopathy/chronic fatigue syndrome (ME/CFS). I have also been having diffuse muscle pains (myalgias). Some of my doctors diagnose post-covid syndrome (long-covid), and some acknowledge the possibility of post-vaccine injury. Apparently there is no medical code for the vaccine injury, so they do not get paid unless the diagnosis is accompanied by an accepted ICD10 code.

Q: Where has your reaction been reported, and what was the response?

I personally entered my condition into the VAERs database. I have heard no reply whatsoever.

Q: Are there any treatments that have helped or hurt your health?

I have been prescribed multiple medications and supplements and I do not feel that anything has really helped me. I have also been following FLCCC protocols, and have taken ivermectin without improvement.

Recently I have started with red light treatments. I believe the red light is helping my neuropathy, while the near infrared will likely require more therapies to help the the brain fog. I plan to start taking methylene blue.

Honestly, it gets quite tiresome to continue to try so many different therapies, but I guess there is no alternative.

Q: Have you had Covid before?

I had the covid infection twice after my ‘vaccination’. In March I got pretty sick on a Thursday, started FLCCC meds, yet was concerned about waiting over the weekend in light of my asthma history. I found a private medical service to prescribe and administer the monoclonal antibody, which helped me turn the corner and I recovered thereafter. In October I again got infected after returning from Europe, followed FLCCC protocol, and got well quickly.

Q: What do you wish others knew?

I wish that more people could become aware of the evil that has been forced upon us all, here in the USA and globally. I wish the main stream media and tech were not able to censor so much good, helpful information and truth about Covid and the vaccine.

As a physician I am ashamed of what the house of medicine- organized medicine- has been a party to in promoting and delivering this toxic spike protein. This must be stopped!


“Love” in the Time of Covid

It was an age of fear, when mistrust eroded the foundations of our faith. When we misplaced our trust with the faithless, and entrusted our hopes to those who have no hope. We took our council from snakes, who spoke comforting words to assure us of safety and who lulled us into complacency.

They whipped us up into a frenzy of fear, and a whirlwind of anxieties blew open the doors to our sacred spaces—the very doors that wisdom built eons ago, to protect us from the deceits of this world, and from the jaws of that roaming lion, who is always on the prowl seeking to devour us.

Then, masked invaders poured in through this breach, and despoiled the beauty of our sanctuary. These invisible foes whispered sweet deceits into our eager ears and we made ourselves into their image—we covered our own faces in fear, which relieved us of our anxieties, for the moment, and we were grateful for this strange new wisdom.

We willingly forfeited the noble beauty of our uncovered faces—which, from the beginning of time have reflected the image and beauty of our God and creator. Now, we masked our faces, concealing that divine glory and hiding each of us, one from the other. We formed a new alliance then, right there before the altar of our Lord; and we erected an idol to public safety.

It was a time of broken community, when we served two masters.


Light for the Disenfranchised

I gaze within myself and discover that I live in a state of confusion and disorientation much of the time; spending my days perceiving the world in ways that are incompatible with what I’m told by others is true. As if either my perception of reality is a lie, or the world in which I find myself is a lie. And when I look around, at my fellow citizens, my brothers and sisters in this life, it appears to me that many of you feel the same way that I do. How has this dire state of affairs happened to us? We are living disenfranchised from ourselves, grasping at superficial identities in hopes of finding ourselves again; hoping to reclaim ourselves, and to assert to the world and to ourselves, that we do in fact exist, and that we know who we are.

But increasingly we don’t know who we are; it certainly doesn’t appear that we do. And I don’t think this is an accident. And we have greater and greater difficulty discerning what is true. Again, I don’t think this is accidental. This is a catastrophe, and it is intentional. We are like lost sheep without a shepherd; and we have become—we allow ourselves to be—easy prey for deception and destruction. Truth was originally given to us as a relationship, by our Creator, for the salvation of our souls. Truth shed light on many things—on everything—and showed us true relationships: between ourselves and each other, ourselves and God, and with the world in which we belong—and what is true about ourselves internally. Truth is intimate, personal and relational; truth is not merely relative. Truth isn’t facts, or evidence or data, and it isn’t the domain of ‘experts’. Truth is implanted in every human heart, and is still available for everyone with the eyes to see, the ears to hear, and with a heart that is still soft and malleable to it.

We live in a nihilistic age in which nothing matters, everything is trivial, and no thought or action has significance. Oh, what a lie! Though, I suspect we have accepted this more than we realize—action without consequence, position without accountability, life without value. This is how we rule ourselves, and each other.  Nothing is taken too seriously: wars are started without concern for the lives of those affected, babies are murdered because of the inconvenience of them, and power the world over takes whatever it can from the powerless. We inflict untold pain on each other without giving much thought about it. This is certainly a catastrophe, but it is too profound for me, so I only want to talk about one aspect of our problem: the truth, deception, and our struggle to become sensitive to truth again.

After we collectively turned away from Truth as relationship, we embraced it as evidence, data, and facts and figures. At least this is how it appears to me. We gave up Truth as an intimate experience, and instead it became remote and separate from us. We were deceived to believe that truth no longer resides within us, but is rather the purview of others. Only if we study long enough are we able, maybe, to learn what is true; but only if the best people, the most qualified people are the ones who give it to us. What a lie! But how could we recognize it as such? Since we have turned our backs on the intimate knowing of Truth within our very being. Naively or knowingly we delegated authority over ‘truth’ to others; perhaps it was out of laziness, I don’t know. Regardless of the reasons why, we have done it and we are reaping the fruits of that now.

Years ago I remember reading a lengthy article about the litigation surrounding the cigarette industry, when claims were made against it. A great deal of money was at stake in the lawsuit and both sides brought numerous ‘expert’ witnesses to argue the facts of the case. Reams of research data were made available about the effects of smoking on public health, and arguments were made for and against the culpability of the industry. Apparently, from that exercise, what was discovered was that if the defense could flood the court with enough competing data to completely confuse the listeners, then it would be very difficult to lose the case. They sought to create an environment of reasonable doubt. There was very clear information that implicated the industry however, because they were able to thoroughly confuse everyone with additional data and their own deceptive interpretations of the data, they were able to escape the lawsuit with limited damage.

Since that time, it seems that nearly every industry, or individual, with money to gain and something to lose, have perfected this activity; so that data and evidence can be expertly made to serve their private interests by thoroughly confusing people. We want the truth from information and experts, but we often only get lies. We need to stop putting our faith in these ‘truths’ because they have become thoroughly corrupted and are not trustworthy.

Adding to our confusion, and amplifying it, is the very technology that we use to gather all of this spurious information. Have you noticed what happens to you after you spend time looking at a computer screen or your mobile phone? There are many studies out there about the negative effects these things have on our attention span and concentration. But apart from any external study; what have you noticed about this yourself? Your own perception is the most important tool that you have for understanding what is happening to you. You don’t need those studies, at least not as your primary source for gathering important and meaningful guidance; if anything those other sources can be used in support of what you personally discover by virtue of your own close inspection and exploration.

I will share what I have discovered through my use of computers and mobile devices.  I won’t go into all of my discoveries, but only the one that most relates to this topic. Apart from a headache, I feel a change in my psyche, and this is the vital disruption that these technologies are having on us, I believe. My ability to think clearly and efficiently is reduced. In the areas of my brain, beginning in the frontal lobe, and then descending behind the eyes and continuing back down towards the spine, including the area of the thalamus and hypothalamus, and the pineal gland, it feels as though everything goes numb and is electrically impinged, or paralyzed. I experience this also as a feeling of being dazed and unable to think normally. But more importantly, I think, is a dissipation in my ability to pray and to experience what I would call spiritual insights. It is as though my time on the computer or mobile device closes the door on my connection with God. I find that extremely interesting and poignant; and very much to the point that I believe all of this is intentional and intended to sever our connection with original Truth. So that we can’t see it, or understand it, but rather we become lost in a dull senselessness.

As a brief aside, but one which I also find interesting and relates to my experience. A friend told me recently about research that was done in the 1930’s with LED light to inhibit the functioning of the pineal gland. The idea was to use it as a weapon of sorts, in order to hopefully impede mental functioning. Apparently they were successful in slowing cognitive ability at least temporarily. I can imagine that this research wasn’t abandoned; but I expect that it was continued and expanded to the present day. Who knows what and how effectively this is now being used against us. It certainly explains a lot.

What might one do in response to this technological problem? Get rid of our computers and cell phones? I wish that could be done! But we also now must acknowledge our addiction to these things. Also, I suspect this addictiveness is an intentional aspect of our problem. But short of throwing them in the garbage, I have one other thing to share, which has helped me with the symptoms of technology exposure, and may benefit you in your own discovery.

By a stroke of good fortune, or Godly provision, next to my computer is my prayer nook where I keep three oil lamps. When they are lit, the golden light emanating from the lamps is soothing to my eyes. A while ago I began experimenting with this and I’ve found that looking at the candlelight helps break down the paralysis in my psyche which occurs after prolonged time looking at a screen. The longer I spend gazing into this golden light the better my mental abilities return, and I feel renewed activity in areas of my brain that I previously was unable to get firing. I now keep candlelight burning whenever I work on my computer, and I take regular breaks to look at the light, in order to help mitigate the damage that I experience from the screen. Sunlight works in the same way, if I am outside and looking at my cell phone.

If warm light is unavailable to you, I have found another tool that is also very effective, though I can’t say why it works. It is a visualization technique that imagines golden light filling my brain. I close my eyes and imagine as best I can an intense golden light, like the sun, filling various areas of my brain; left hemisphere, then right, and back and forth, trying to make connections between them, and then bringing the light into my frontal cortex, temporal lobes, back into the core, and down the spine etc. The greater concentration you can give this, to increase the intensity of the light the better the results, I’ve found. It may likely be a struggle at first to direct your attention and concentration in order to break up the numbness that has taken you, but it will finally change and dissipate with consistent and applied effort. And the result is a functioning psyche which is worth the time and effort.

Perhaps this seems strange to you? Why bother? Well, as I’ve said already, since we live in a nihilistic age, it is no wonder we might not think any of this really matters; or that there is anything we can do about it, since we’ve been disenfranchised from ourselves by ‘experts’ and by deceptions on a global scale. But the Truth is that this does matter because we matter. You matter; and your ability to think and to perceive clearly is of great importance.  The ability to discover and know Truth relationally, and to know yourself, is a strong tower of protection in this world of deceit which seeks to devour us, and more importantly our receptivity to Truth is the beginning of our salvation; and this is the most important thing, no matter what anybody else tells you! I hope you will discover this Truth for yourself.


Modern Medicine

My doctor’s never met me,

But he/she doesn’t need to.

I’m in their computer and,

My numbers do not lie.

Or so they say;

They say they know me,

By my numbers.

So they’ll tell me what to do~

From afar they’ll tell me what to do,

They’ll prescribe me perfectly.

Because they know I’m just a number,

Just like every other, and they know:

That I’m no different,

Than any other.

They’ll tell us all just what to do,

Because they know us perfectly.

And they know just how to keep us,

Safe from everything.

And if they don’t, we needn’t worry,

Because they’re working very hard.

They’ll have a better answer soon,

We need to trust they’re never wrong.

And if we don’t believe them,

That they know what they are doing.

They’ll have our friends ‘persuade’ us,

And have them tell us what to do.

My health is now a public matter,

Every neighbor is my doctor,

And the government is my physician.

Everyone except me it seems,

Is now an authority on my body.

Because they heard it on TV,

Or from some guy they call Fauci.

But I don’t think I really need,

Some far-flung ‘expert’ committee,

Determining what to put in me.

Healing is an ancient art, a very personal thing.

Nothing even remotely like, this modern medicine.


A Tragic Disconnect

I mainly write about matters of the heart and of our spiritual lives. Although this that I’m sharing now, is about human health, I believe it is integral to the life of the spirit. It is representative of a greater struggle between goodness and evil.

Those who we’ve historically trusted to look out for our welfare, have now become predators of the innocent and the trusting; those who should be helping us, appear only to be looking out for their own selfish interests, and children are suffering and dying because of them. These aren’t our grandparents’ health authorities, these are criminals; be warned and on your guard!

While last month the CDC added Covid Vaccines to their list of recommended vaccines for children, children like Gracelyn Reader, age 16, are suffering all of the following issues because of these Covid shots: Pulmonary Embolism, Stroke, Seizures, Thrombectomy, Thoracotomy.

Please read her story here, and if you have time, email her some words of encouragement. Her email is included in this link:

Real people, real injuries. The truth will set us free. And love will cover a multitude of sins. Let’s all face these truths together, and start helping each other; especially our neighbor’s who have been hurt, killed or simply cast to the side because of greedy special interests.


Small Beginnings

Go into your heart~

Your heart is a still and silent place,

Of healing.

And it is a dangerous place,

Where you will encounter Truth.

Most people do not desire to go there.

But will you?

If you will, and if you dare,

Then, go now into your heart.

Descend, let go, and have courage.

Your thoughts will not let you go there,

You must let them go.

It is the path of angels, and of saints.

It is goodness, and your peace.

And of coming to your senses.

Wouldn’t that be nice?


Yes, go now.



You may feel shame, I don’t know why.

But let it go and do not fear.

You may feel sad, it’s okay to cry.

And carry on, don’t give up.

“Come to my help, Oh God!

Lord Jesus, hurry to my rescue.”

These words may help you now,

Or others like them:

“Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me.”

Speak these.


Seek your heart.

It is a beginning.

To find yourself.


Beneath the noise and clatter.


A Reflection on 2019 – The Present.

We have passed these last three years amazed, and struck dumb, stunned and befuddled by everything that has happened to us; by all that was done to us. Alienated, isolated, divided and demoralized on a scale that was momentous, we were collectively struck when we weren’t looking, and knocked out before we knew what hit us. And when we got to our feet again, we found ourselves in a battle. We discovered we were at war, inexplicably, against ourselves—brothers against sisters, mothers against sons. Loved ones turned against loved ones, life-long relationships crumbling to dust, and families were set on fire. Love gave way to fear. Truth gave way to lies. Hope gave way to despair. And suspicions arose everywhere.

Distrust and mistrust grew between neighbors where previously healthy acceptance had held us together. Persuasion gave way to coercion, and power was exerted over the weak. Instead of listening and working together against a common enemy, we made each other our enemy; we fought only for ourselves, our tribe against new enemies—former friends and family members. We were thrust, or thrust ourselves, into a deep darkness of fear, and were blinded by it; flailing against one another.

We have been at war now, for three years (perhaps longer), but we are fighting against the wrong enemies. We have turned against our own flesh and blood. But we are deluded because we needn’t fight against flesh and blood; we should be fighting against subtler enemies that are the foundation of our misery. Our battle is really against the very things that have been destroying us these past few years; a virus is our enemy, not those who carry the virus. It is a physical virus and a metaphorical one as well. It is a physical pathogen and a spiritual one too; it is Covid, but it is also very truly the corrosive fear that is eating us away as a people. Division is our enemy, alienation and isolation is our enemy. Coercion and the abuse of power is our enemy. Greed and envy is our enemy. All of these are the true enemies we should have been fighting during this pandemic, and against which we should mount a new offensive now.

Stop fighting man against woman, black against white, blue against red, and vice versa…

Fight for goodness by being good, fight for unity by forgiving, fight for trust by being honest, and fight for reconciliation by your humility. Fight for the human spirit that is in every person, and for the soul that lives in each of us. We need to fight together to regain our nobility as a people, to remember that truth about ourselves—we have a nobility by virtue of being made, and we need to fight for the divinity that resides within our human nature. Fight against dehumanization, against pure materialism, against nihilism and the anti-Godliness of a wholly secular vision. Fight against the subtle powers that try to convince us that we are only beasts, simply animals, and not worth fighting for.

I am only now starting to come to my senses again, after three years of feeling shell-shocked and bewildered. The pain and horror of our collective pandemic misery is only beginning to come into focus for me. We have lost so much; there are so many casualties and so much destruction. But there is hope. We have been down, but not out. There is very much to fight for still, and to rebuild. We can rebuild the spirit of love within our families, between siblings, and re-form old friendships, rekindle love between us, between races, between political opponents. We can rebuild unity, turning away from division, rejecting coercion and saying no to alienation; we can build community in the midst of opposing ideas.

The power behind all of the evils which have beleaguered us is very real, and it won’t go away easily or without a struggle; especially now that it has enjoyed so many victories of late—we are so divided and estranged from one another. Power loves power more than people. I have been in hiding of sorts, to protect myself. I want to live in a place free from all this treachery; just hoping that it will all go away. But it appears that evil is growing and expanding. What hope is there against the fear and hatred which seems to be devouring our world? It makes me cry because I just want to live. Don’t we all just want to live; and not to be used, or abused, fooled or crushed? Power loves power, and devours mankind. But I take solace knowing Jesus Christ; because Jesus embodies all the meekness that devours power, and in Him I find peace to live, courage to face fear, and endurance to overcome hatred.


Always Seek

Seeking a relationship with Christ yet not finding it, is nevertheless, still far better than settling for a relationship with this world only, and thereby falling into a comfort of sorts— relating merely to what our fallen world has to offer. Our Lord may hide from us, leaving us always wishing for more, and causing us to question whether seeking Him is worth the trouble, but the alternative is worse—leaving us bereft of hope, empty of lasting meaning, and lost in a matrix of confusion and delusions.


A Good Conversation

We stood together, he and I,

Side by side, bearing witness to our friend:

Who lay silently, without protestation, as the lid slid into place,

And as the little box, large enough for a child, descended.

Our eyes met, his and mine,

And I uttered the time-honored, lame pronouncement:

“I am so sorry for your loss,” emerged from my palely smiling lips.

His eyes smiled more truly, and more winsomely.

“We live in the light of the Lord,” he replied.

“We are always in the light of the Lord.”

“How do you know?” I marveled at his faith,

So unexpectedly, found here, and now especially.

“I don’t know,” he shrugged, “We just are,” he said.

In no way efforting to persuade me of his assertion,

Yet, convincing me still, through his simple sincerity,

And by manner of his unfeigned innocence, he opened my heart.


A Penitent Investor

Lord, allow me enough money to protect me from the evil intentions of men who would manipulate me by my poverty; and give me not so much money that I would lose sight of humanity in pursuit of my wealth.

Lord, I fear that I have investments which are not in the cause of good and that do not support the advancement of Godliness or righteousness on the earth. I am certain that I have invested poorly, when seen through the lens of love; even if my investment have earned high returns, in purely economic terms.

It pains me to think that I support companies who have no regard for the true needs of human beings, but are solely focused on how much wealth they can extract from every human unit.

Show me what to do with my money, so that it helps and doesn’t hurt; so that it is invested in the furtherance of your kingdom on earth, and is not invested with those who desire to be kings over the earth; I do not want to be party to their kingdom. It bothers me knowing that I am.

It is certainly better to invest not just wisely, but Godly; and to feast at the table of our Lord, rather than to dine in the palaces of the wicked. Show me the way that I can go, that is not too high and not too low. What can an average Christian, like me, best do with his money?