Month: August 2017

Death

like a python,

slithers upon us.

All teeth;

piercing our flesh,

making us cry out

in anguish.

Then a long, slow constriction-

suffocating and

smothering.

 

Hope

like a beacon,

shines upon us.

All glorious;

warming our flesh,

causing us to sing

for joy.

Then a peace

enfolding-

invigorating and

inspiring.

 

Teetering between

death and hope;

oscillating and

careening.

 

Life

like a promise,

of death postponed.

All dewy;

charming our senses,

helping us to forget

our end.

Then an unwelcome

intruding-

unraveling and

awakening.

 

Christ

like a thief,

takes everything.

All dreams;

removing our illusions,

leaving us with Him

alone.

Then a time of

suffering-

ennobling and

deifying.

 

~FS

Sometimes I sit

thinking only of you.

My heart grows calm

as tears fall from my eyes.

 

Sometimes I walk

watching my steps.

But my mind and my heart

are only with you.

 

If only my arms

could find you to hold.

If only my eyes

could see you again.

 

All that I hear

is only clatter,

that which isn’t

Your voice.

 

I shake my head

to clear the noise.

I call Your name,

and I call Your name.

 

I call Your name

in my lonely heart.

How long

must we be apart?

 

As I sit

tears are falling from my eyes.

What I’ve been and what I am,

and what I may become.

 

These tears

are of sorrow and of joy.

For what was and is,

and what is to come.

 

~FS

When you were born you were so small.

And you had blue eyes shaped like almonds.

Your mom thought you looked like her mother.

Your dad thought you looked tough.

That’s why they named you Kirk, after Kirk Douglas.

But Kirk is also the church, the house of the spirit.

Your house had potential.

 

Twenty-three years later you left home,

seeking adventure and true life.

And you were named Francis.

Childhood ended. Duty began.

Potential became kinetic.

But you still lived for yourself.

Every movement to satisfy your belly,

and to win love from others.

 

Twenty-three years later you died in water,

and your new life began.

And you were named John.

God is good.

The Spirit dwells within His church now.

Kinesis turning toward stillness and peace.

Unfocused motion resolving into hesychasm.

 

Then your mother died.

And again you died.

Not in spirit or in body,

but in some strange, intangible way.

Shaking the stillness,

and making the future uncertain.

 

I see you now and I wonder,

“what will you make of this third act?”

Will you seek the Lord,

and let him heal you?

Losing yourself,

and giving yourself in love?

 

Perhaps your next name,

who knows what that will be,

could it be one written on a white stone?

 

~FS

“I want to do what will make you proud of me,” I say to her.
“Of course I’m proud of you” she says.
“I know, you have to say that” I say
You are my mother.
I am proud.

“But I mean to do the things that you love and care about, to really let you know how I love you.”
I do love you. And I love you.
But you don’t need to prove it.
“To seal it then. And prove it to myself.”
“You just are, and you are enough.”
But I am alone. With nothing to prove now what am I?
I don’t know what you are.  But you are enough.

 

~FS

I felt a tremor today

in my heart.

I barely took notice,

as I did my daily work.

But I sensed a larger problem deep within,

a tremendous shaking on the other side of my soul,

foretelling a tsunami of sorrow rising.

 

I wished I could be someone else today,

writing something different;

something funny, and witty,

with a surprising and ironic twist at the end.

Not soft and emotionally raw,

from the heart and uncomfortable to read.

 

Spillanes are supposed to write crime novels,

not poems about feelings.

The main character is supposed to be tough and cool;

dames with slender legs dangling off the corner of his desk.

Not a man with a girl’s name, writing about his broken heart;

treacly, sentimental and soft.

 

Life presents us with reality and it isn’t what it is supposed to be.

I don’t get to be the detective with the fedora and raincoat.

Still, maybe I can uncover the missing emotion,

and help someone find a long lost love

hidden within them, by way of example.

 

~FS

I saw a man on a stairwell today.
Sitting on the floor.
I passed him quickly on my way.
A glance and nothing more.

His image though now haunts me.
A working man not free.
A man like me, living on these stairs.
Diligent yet in despair.

This is the world we’ve made for him.
Homes and bread for profit.
Where prices rise and futures dim.
Life lived out of pocket.

He smiled at me and cracked a joke.
His spirit still unbroke.
I realized then though life is tough.
Strong wills can be enough.
And while the world can seem unfair.
If each can just forbear.
We’ll find some peace and joy just like
the dweller on the stair.

 

~FS

You’ve gone but we are still with you.

We remain yet you are still here.

Forever together and forever family.

Bound in love eternally.

The angel of death blew in from the west.

Not raging of howling, with only a whisper.

Yet with it came turmoil, a horrible test.

And darkness so black I recoiled in terror.

 

She passed in the night, and when I awoke.

The vessel I sail in was far out to sea.

Ripped from its moorings, its bow lines all broke.

My port a small glimmer and difficult to see.

 

Returning was fruitless, the winds were against me.

The sun and the moon and the tides all were too.

Thrusting me further and further to sea.

My home port retreating, retreating from view.

 

Dense fog pressed me in, my way was obscured.

Thoughts swirling within me, found no place to land.

Distinctions, discernments, all lines were now blurred.

My vessel adrift, occupied yet unmanned.

 

I fell to my knees calling out to the heavens.

Help me, save me, oh Lord of my life.

Cut through this cruel fog, let me see your clear presence.

Show me your way into daylight my Christ.

 

The fog didn’t clear, my anxieties mounted.

I slumped in despair, my hoping in tatters.

Trapped in an eddy, all my powers confounded.

I awaited my doom now, and certain disaster.

 

This darkest of nights seemed to wear on.

Interminably, incessantly, time upon time.

No harbinger arriving to announce a new dawn.

Only mist and haze, keeping me blind.

 

If only the psalmist were right when he wrote,

That joy, our true joy will come in the morning.

Weeping shall only tarry for the night,

And sorrows, our sorrows shall all have an ending.

 

The memory of things that she loved made me sad,

Flowers and colors and scripture and song.

My tears started flowing, for which I was glad,

As the murk began parting which had plagued me so long.

 

Tears led to tears for her and for me,

For the loss of the goodness we shared through the years.

And sorrow for my own inadequacies,

Which keep me from loving because of my fears.

 

With the tears that I shed, the fog fell away.

As scales from my eyes, revealing the day.

The night of my sorrows was finally ending.

The psalmist was right, it was a good mourning.

 

~FS

 

 

Our mother created

a comfortable and peaceful place,

a true home in every sense of the word.

 

We were delivered

out of difficulties and lonely spaces,

into a warmth which radiated love.

 

Her home was always opened

to those who needed a kindly face,

and hers was most kind and full of light.

 

Now she is gone

her home will be sold,

and we are left to find our own way.

 

We search drawers and closets

hoping to be consoled,

finding solace in anything that speaks of her.

 

Sharing words

about her home and her life extolled,

huddling in the shadows left by a setting sun.

 

We are tempted to remain here

looking towards our past,

turning this place into a museum.

 

But grace will not allow us

sending plagues to disturb our rest,

forcing us to flee towards freedom.

 

Calling us to seek a better place

enjoying an eternal feast,

meeting again in a house with many mansions.

 

~FS

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel either,

For having tripped upon my laces I no longer stood,

And upon my face there I brood,

And nevertheless enjoyed this unexpected breather.

 

The cool earthen soil was refreshing,

And though my plans had changed,

I looked upon those paths with no lamenting,

Nor for the steps I’d not be taking,

For I had rather found my peace there as I dreamed.

 

There stood a man before me all in white,

I thought that all my wits had come unglued,

He spoke such words as to delight,

He showed me what is wrong and what is right,

And laid my life before me to review.

 

When I awoke still at the crossing,

The sun was much lower in the sky,

With haste I tied my lacing,

And stood again to find the path that I’d be tracing,

A newer road with greater purpose before I die.

 

~FS