February 8

Consequently our ancestors–who since they dwelt in the sacred land of paradise should never have forgotten God–ought first to have acquired more practice and, so to speak, schooling in simple, genuine goodness and to have gained greater stability in the life of contemplation. Being still in an imperfect and intermediate state–that is to say, easily influenced, whether for good or evil, by whatever they made use of–they should not have ventured on the experience of things pleasant to the senses.

They ought especially to have been on their guard against things that by nature greatly allure and dominate the senses and that seduce the entire intellect and give access to evil passions, thus rendering plausible the originator and creator of these passions.

~St Gregory Palamas (Philokalia, vol.4, pp.369-370)

February 7

For only those fully established in the practice of divine contemplation and virtue can have concourse with things strongly attractive to the senses without withdrawing their intellect from the contemplation of God and of God and from hymns and prayers to Him. Only such people can make these things the material and starting-point for raising themselves to God, and through this noetic movement towards God can totally master sensual pleasure. And even though the pleasure may be novel, and may be greater and more powerful because of its novelty, they will not allow their soul’s intelligence to be overcome by that which is evil, even though at the time it is regarded as good by those totally captured and mastered by it.

~St Gregory Palamas (Philokalia vol.4, p.369)

February 6

St Gregory of Nazianzos…writes: “The tree, in my vision of things, is divine contemplation, which only those established in a high degree of perfection can safely approach, while it is not good for those who are still immature and greedy in their desires, just as solid food is not good for those who are yet tender and have need of milk.”

But even if you do not want to refer that tree and its fruit anagogically to divine contemplation, it is not difficult, I think, to see that eating its fruit was of no benefit to our ancestors, since they were still immature. In my opinion they saw that the tree was the most attractive in paradise to look at and to eat from. But the food most pleasant to the senses is not truly and in every way good, not is it always good, nor good for everyone. Rather it is good for those who can make use of it without being mastered by it, and then only when it is necessary and to the extent that it is necessary, and for the glory of Him who made it; but it is not good for those who are unable to make use of it in such a manner.

~St Gregory Palamas (Philokalia vol.4, p.369)

Reminiscences on Childhood in the Valley of the Moon (parts 1 & 2)

I.

When I allow my mind to wander back to those times, when we were very young, just beginning our journeys here, bringing forth our fresh lives together, within the soft arms of those ancient hills, I cannot help but feel embraced, even now, by the gentle joy and warm comfort that was our childhood in the valley of the moon.

Ours, actually, was a little valley, Rincon Valley, at the northern tip of the Sonoma Valley, which stretches from San Pablo Bay in the south, up through the town of Sonoma, past Glen Ellen (the home of Jack London) and into Santa Rosa, our home. More specifically, we lived in several neighborhoods set among the oak trees, at the base of the hillsides making up this small valley, made golden by flowing grasses in the summertime, and green in the winter, as the flush of new growth covered their rolling slopes.

Each of us occupied some special spot within these neighborhoods, in homes smaller or larger—neither so opulent as to be a danger of losing ourselves, nor so tiny as to despair—but we lived here with our families in these places, nestled together, side-by-side, sharing our lives, almost as if we were one large organism, knowing one another, familiar, and at peace.

As is true with any organism there is a variety within a unity, and this was true for us. We were so many unique individuals with distinct attributes, strengths and weaknesses—we were a variety of characters. Our common life revolved around our school, this is where we met and made our friendships, where we enjoyed our victories and setbacks, where so many of life’s lessons were experienced, for better and for worse.

Sequoia Elementary School was situated nearly at the heart of our world, geographically as well as spiritually. It was our world within the world. Of course, our homes were this as well for each of us, so perhaps it would be more accurate to say that Sequoia sat at one pole of our world, and our home resided at the other, and our lives consisted of travelling from one pole to the other, and back again.

Life at Sequoia, for most of us, began when we were five. At that age, though it was only a half-mile journey, I remember the walk from my doorstep to the kindergarten classroom seemed so very long, as I passed through a labyrinth of streets: San Luis Avenue, San Juan Street, Yerba Buena Drive, then cut across someone’s pasture, climbing through the old barbed-wire fences and down the narrow dirt path which kids had made from time immemorial, and finally arriving on the other side, climbing across the drainage swale that ran alongside Monte Verde Drive, and then finally the long walk down Calistoga Road, through the schoolyard, or around the block to the far corner of the school, where the Kindergarten class was located.

Mrs Moresi was our kindergarten teacher, and Adrien was the school custodian. She was kind and wonderful, but he was intimidating (more about him in a moment). For the most part kindergarten was a pleasure: lots of art and crafts, learning the alphabet and numbers, and plenty of time to play outside in the small fenced-in yard. The smell of wet cedar chips drying in the heat of the sun is a pleasure I still carry with me from that time. In the midst of this cedar chip play area was a steel slide which became so hot in the afternoon sun that it actually felt cold at first when one slid down it. This was a surprising discovery which didn’t stop us from sliding down it over and over again, even while wearing shorts or dresses.

One afternoon, just after lunch we were told that we would be having a visit from Adrien and he wanted to talk to just the boys in the class. When he arrived, he lined us up side-by side in a long row. It was all very intriguing and curious. Adrien walked up and down the row looking us over with a scowl. He didn’t seem pleased or happy at all. There were around twelve of us in line and we looked at each other nervously, but giggling and smirking at the same time. We could barely hold our line, truth be told, since fidgeting and moving about in constant motion was more our forte. But we did our best as he looked us over and then he began his speech. It was more of a scolding actually.

The kindergarten classroom had two small designated bathrooms in the corner, one for the girls and one for the boys. Adrien had no problem at all with cleaning the girl’s bathroom, but he had had all he could take cleaning the boy’s, and he wanted to let us all know about it. “Someone!” Apparently. “Keeps missing the toilet!”

“I don’t know who it is, and I don’t care, but you all need to learn how to aim better because I am sick and tired of cleaning up the floor and the seat!” It was terrifying. I looked at my collaborators lined up beside me, and none of us were smiling or giggling anymore, well perhaps a few of us here and there were, but a seriousness had descended upon us. I suspected others had done this dirty deed as well, but I knew for a fact that I had done it, and I was almost certain that it was obvious to Adrien, somehow, that it was me. I’m not sure how he could know, but I felt certain he did.

After he left us, the boys of the classroom were quiet for a while, until we forgot about it, and went back to having a good time. Collectively we may have been peeing on the floor but nobody admitted it to the others. For my part however, I determined not to take any further chances; so this is when I left standing behind, and took the extra precaution of sitting down for the remainder of my kindergarten career.

II.

In the 1970’s Sequoia Elementary was a humble school, but I would contend, a quietly spectacular one. What it lacked in sophistication, it made up for with heart and soul. This was before the time of trumpeting accomplishments on school signage, where every school today claims its fame as a distinguished institution. Today, it is a fancy place by comparison, and while probably just as fine a home to this generation of children, I lament the loss of its former understated simplicity.

Currently, a charter school has been added to its grounds, and where once occupied a dirt and gravel parking area, this has been replaced with an asphalt parking lot and raised veggie beds. And many of the sacred sites, which formerly witnessed our amazing feats of sporting prowess, our innocent amorous adventures, and our budding human dramas, have now been covered over by numerous new clusters of additional classrooms, and sparkling playgrounds with elaborate structures, burying the physical testimony to our former glories and tribulations.

Nevertheless, these triumphs and trials still exist in memory, and can be unearthed again through the telling of the tales; and as these stories are brought forth, I suspect others will corroborate their authenticity, shining new light upon my imperfect remembrance, yet adding to the veracity of their core truth.

There are many tales to tell, but allow me to first set the scene. Sequoia Elementary occupies roughly five acres at the corner of Calistoga Road and Dupont Drive, in eastern Santa Rosa. A rectangular property, oriented more or less in a northerly direction, with Calistoga Rd. on the western edge, Dupont Dr. to the south, and residential properties lining the northern and eastern edges. It is a fairly flat property with a slight rise to the south, where the first row of buildings resides. Centered, and running parallel to the southern edge of the property is this first row of buildings, which are home to the administrative offices, teacher’s lounge and kindergarten classroom to the right, and the cafeteria to the left (when looking at it from Dupont Drive).

A rounded driveway approaches the front of the building from the far right, stops at the midpoint, and continues to the left to rejoin Dupont Drive. Apart from a grove of Redwood trees to the left of this driveway, and some shrubs lining the front of the building, and a few small trees along Calistoga Road, there was virtually no other foliage on the property back in the 70’s, save the perennial weeds that made up the playfield in the back, and which lined the surroundings of the school buildings and asphalt playground.

The structure of the school consisted of three rows of buildings, connected by a central covered walkway. This walkway began at the midpoint of the first row, essentially dividing the cafeteria to the left, from the offices to the right. The second row, to the east of the corridor, was home to the first and second grade classrooms, and the fourth and fifth grades to the west (although these could change somewhat from year to year). The final row was home to the third and fourth grades to the east, and more fifth and sixth grade classrooms to the west. Where the central corridor cut through each of these buildings, along their inner walls, you’d find bathrooms, the custodian’s workshop, and a supply room or two. To the west of the fourth and fifth grade wing were three additional portable buildings which housed the school library, and two additional classrooms.

Around all of these structures stretched the hallowed grounds, the playground and the playfield further to the north, all of which were the stage for so many of our comic exploits and epic adventures, as well as our mundane misadventures—our plans to jump the fences and break out of this prison, or our trips to distant planets, our Superbowl victories, as well as errant balls kicked into yard-duty faces which landed us in the principal’s office for hours of interrogation and cross-examinations, the four-square, the dodge-ball, basketball, football and soccer and other games with names you could never say in our current times, such as ‘butts-up’ and ‘smear-the-queer’, which upon reflection, is probably a good thing.

This was the place you’d ask a girl to ‘go with you’, and what they meant is you’d walk around the track together, holding hands. Or, on the other hand, if she was a faster runner than you, instead, you’d challenge her to a race, to prove that you could beat her.

By the time each of us had spent our seven years in this place, or fewer if we had joined part-way through or left early, I imagine that every square inch of it could provide us with a unique and lasting memory, something that remains with us, and shapes us, in conscious or unconscious ways. Each room has a story—some were dangerous yet magical, some were off-limits, others were strange and maybe repulsive, or even secret with hidden surprises and treasures; or places of boredom and tedium, discovery and anticipation.

Time was measured by the big, round, white clocks at the front of every class-room, but the schoolyear was measured by anticipation. Each school-year began weeks before classes actually started, when teachers posted the names of their students for the coming year on a simple sheet of paper posted on the door of each classroom. Each of us made our way down to the school, with a mix of dread and excitement, hoping we’d get the teacher we like, avoid the one we didn’t, and get our best friends in the same class with us. Then we looked forward to Halloween and the parade of costumes, the parties and the candy. After that, the beginning of holiday crafts, practicing Christmas songs for the annual Christmas show, and then the long winter break.

For our birthday, Mr Wilson, our principal, would invite each of us into his office, that dangerous place of discipline and remorse, but this time we could enter, in order to pick out a polished rock from his interesting and extensive collection. Who wouldn’t love a polished rock? A magical, colorful, shiny object that reflected the kindness of the man who gave it to us, and who watched over us all, students and teachers alike, with gentleness and benevolence.

After the New Year, we might look forward to the annual book sale. For this, we were given a small catalog which contained a myriad of wonderful books, art supplies and games which we could choose from, place an order, and then anticipate their delivery several weeks later. The library was transformed at this time into a marketplace of these books for sale, where we could see, touch and smell the offerings, samples laid out on tables, the real-life versions of the amazing things found in the catalog. And then there was the annual carnival, with games of all kinds, tickets bought to try to dunk a teacher in a tank of water, or smash an old car with a sledge-hammer, or win a cake at the cake-walk.

And finally the events at the conclusion of the year: first, the big track meet which we hosted, inviting rivals Binkley Elementary, and Rincon (now Whited Elementary) to compete against us in all sorts of track and field events, and finally giving us the opportunity to try out the clever nick-names we thought up, calling our opponents ‘Binkley-Stinkly’ and ‘Rincon-Stinkin’; and second, the annual watermelon-feed, when Adrien, or Mr Wilson, would pull a huge flat-bed trailer filled with watermelon out onto the playground, using the old, ancient, rusty tractor that must have come from the Romans, and they would cut the watermelons into huge wedges, and hand them out to the entire school, crowded around the trailer, and everyone got their piece, and then another, and another, and then we all chucked the rinds at each other, littering the playground with greenish-white and pink slop. Those were the days!

~FS

February 4

After our forefather’s transgression in paradise through the tree, we suffered the death of our soul–which is the separation of the soul from God–prior to our bodily death; yet although we cast away our divine likeness, we did not lose our divine image.

Thus when the soul renounces its attachment to inferior things and cleaves through love to God and submits itself to Him through acts and modes of virtue, it is illuminated and made beautiful by God and is raised to a higher level, obeying His counsels and exhortations; and by these means it regains the truly eternal life.

Through this life it makes the body conjoined to it immortal, so that in due time the body attains the promised resurrection and participates in eternal glory. But if the soul does not repudiate its attachment and submission to inferior things whereby it shamefully dishonors God’s image, it alienates itself from God and is estranged from the true and truly blessed life of God; for as it has first abandoned God, it is justly abandoned by Him.

~St Gregory Palamas (Philokalia vol.4, p.363)

February 3

What organs…does the power of the soul that we call ‘intellect’ make use of when it is active?…some locate it in the head, as though in a sort of acropolis…but it is located in the heart as in its own organ. And we know this because we are taught it not by men but by the Creator of man Himself when He says, “It is not that which goes into man’s mouth that defiles him, but what comes out of it” (Matthew 15:11), adding, “for thoughts come out of the heart” (Matthew 15:19).

St Makarios the Great says the same: “The heart rules over the whole human organism, and when grace takes possession of the pastures of the heart, it reigns over all a man’s thoughts  and members. For the intellect and all the thoughts of the soul are located there.”

Our heart is, therefore, the shrine of the intelligence and the chief intellectual organ of the body. When, therefore, we strive to scrutinize and to amend our intelligence through rigorous watchfulness, how could we do this if we did not collect our intellect, outwardly dispersed through the senses, and bring it back within ourselves–back to the heart itself, the shrine of the thoughts?

It is for this reason that St Makarios–rightly called blessed–directly after what he says above, adds: “So it is there that we must look to see whether grace has inscribed the laws of the Spirit.” Where? In the ruling organ, in the throne of grace, where the intellect and all the thoughts of the soul reside, that is to say, in the heart. Do you see, then, how greatly necessary it is for those who have chosen a life of self-attentiveness and stillness to bring their intellect back and to enclose it within their body, and particularly within that innermost body within the body that we call the heart?

~St Gregory Palamas (Philokalia vol.4, p.334)

February 2

…do not leave any part of your soul or body unwatched. In this way you will master the evil spirits that assail you and you will boldly present yourself to Him who examines hearts and minds (cf. Psalms 7:9); and He will not scrutinize you, for you will have already scrutinized yourself. As St Paul says, “If we judged ourselves we would not be judged” (1 Corinthians 11:31).

Then you will experience the blessing that David experienced, and you will say to God, “Darkness will not be darkness with Thee and night shall be bright as day for me, for Thou hast taken possession of my mind” (cf. Psalms 139:12-13). It is as if David were saying that not only has God become the sole object of his soul’s desire, but also that any spark of this desire in his body has returned to the soul that produced it, and through the soul has risen to God, hangs upon Him and cleaves to Him. For just as those who cleave to the perishable pleasures of the senses expend all the soul’s desire in satisfying their fleshly proclivities and become so entirely materialistic that the Spirit of God cannot abide in them (cf. Genesis 6:3), so in the case of those who have elevated their intellect to God, and who through divine longing have attached their soul to Him, the flesh is also transformed, is exalted with the soul, communes together with the soul in the Divine, and itself likewise becomes the possession and dwelling-place of God, no longer harboring any enmity towards Him or any desires that are contrary to the Spirit (cf. Galatians 5:17).

~St Gregory Palamas (Philokalia vol.4, p.339)

February 1

“Be attentive to yourself,” says Moses (Deuteronomy 15:9 LXX)–that is, to the whole of yourself, not to a few things that pertain to you, neglecting the rest. By what means? With the intellect assuredly, for nothing else can pay attention to the whole of yourself. Set this guard, therefore, over your soul and body, for thereby you will readily free yourself from the evil passions of body and soul. Take yourself in hand, then, be attentive to yourself, scrutinize yourself; or rather, guard, watch over the test yourself, for in this manner you will subdue your rebellious unregenerate self to the Spirit and there will never again be “some secret iniquity in your heart” (Deuteronomy 15:9).

If, says the Preacher, the spirit that rules over the evil demons and passions rises up against you, do not desert your place (cf. Ecclesiastes 10:4)–that is to say, do not leave any part of your soul or body unwatched. In this way you will master the evil spirits that assail you and you will boldly present yourself to Him who examines hearts and minds (cf. Psalms 7:9); and He will not scrutinize you, for you will have already scrutinized yourself. As St Paul says, “If we judged ourselves we would not be judged” (1 Corinthians 11:31).

~St Gregory Palamas (Philokalia, vol.4, pp.338-339)